My Adventure
Perhaps if it is true we are the lives we lead and nothing more, in which case it makes good sense to feel unsafe or trapped or endure the suffering that accompanies those sentiments.
But what if it’s not true?
That possibility has led me to undertake the adventure of the self-inquiry method.
It hasn’t cost me anything beyond the occasional focus of my attention away from the circumstances that define my life but may not define me. That’s just an occasional shifting of focus from them to me. Or what I perceive to be me, which perception changes as do all other perceptions and all other circumstances. I am is a moving target like everything else. The seeking without the hope or expectation of finding is the trademark of the inquest.
Soul
The historical me.
The me that hasn't changed - that's always the same.
The essence of who or what I am.
The germ of me.
The distilled flavor or fragrance or smell of me.
The thinnest, most irreducible aspec of me.
The embodied shadow that has characterized me by my behavior.
That which is untouched by circumstance.
The unchanged and unchanging me.
The elemental me.
The incorruptible me.
The me impervious to circumstance.
The me that is only a reflection of circumstance but never a part of it.
The undefined and undefinable me.
The me that only shows up as a flicker.
The me that the apparatus cannot know.
THe me that has no parts.
The me that others can perhaps see better than I can.
The me that is only a mystery to myself.
The me that endures.
The always present me.
The me whose only point of reference is existence.
The outline of me.
The gravaman of me.
The undisputed fact of me.
The I am of me.
Maybe, my soul?
Resolution
We must know there is a problem, because we are seeking resolution.
What if we stopped seeking a resolution? Would that erase the knowledge that we have a problem?
Avoiding or disregarding the conclusions that we draw is another way to say you are going to stop seeking the resolution to the underlying problem or problems you know you must have because you have been so hell-bent on the resolution. It may also help to recall Eckhart Tolle’s statement to the effect that you can’t trust the arsonist (the apparatus) to put out the fire.
Change
Existence and change are common to all things. Change is the nature of things as much as existence. The understanding that this is so is a relief when unwanted change is noticed. At such a time change may be viewed as an infection and not a blessing.
Since change cannot be avoided, the question becomes whether it is possible to alleviate or mitigate the adverse consequences change seems to impart. Clearly, it is perception that must be addressed, because things and circumstances are inherently neutral.
As a thing itself when engaged, perception is also subject to change. This suggests there is nothing one can do to bring about a better reaction to things as they come and go. What is the key lies not in the reaction to change but in the reaction to the reaction.
Thinking about this seems just about impossible, so it may be beyond the capability of the apparatus. It may be necessary to bypass the apparatus in order to get the sensibility - the gravity 0 of the matter.
Knowing change to be an aspect or ingredient of experience and the circumstances comprising them is perhaps a more effective way that claiming all circumstances are neutral. That has been one way to justify the fact that we perceive what we will and are essentially unaffected by circumstances (or lack thereof). That conclusion is probably correct but carries a negative implication toward circumstances denying their intrinsic beauty or ugliness. Not so with the emphasis on change and how it can be known as built into any circumstances and equation.
The Rocks of Injustice
An unfair comment, an unwarranted scolding, a bad result in a jury trial with a biased judge, an event that turned out in a manner that should not have occurred… All these experiences, and what are they to me? I have been the container of all that has transpired. Every rock of injustice thrown my way i have endured. And I have not have been dented or torn up in any way. It's not that I am resilient. It’s that circumstances really do not touch me, except as to my passing states of mind.
Yes, I may have wept bitterly. When the verdict was announced or felt helpless when i was subjected to unfairness. But my reactions are not the point, any more than the circumstances which seemed to have caused me hurt. Nor is the fact that I survive all such insults the point, although such survival is closer to the mark because it demonstrates once again my enduring nature.
But even suggesting that I have an enduring nature says too much - or too little. Perhaps it is best and more accurate for my apparatus to see me as the undentable container through which all things - even the rocks of injustice - must pass.
That observation leads to the next question, which seeks to know how it is I get so thrown out of blane when having taken a hit. What mechanism is at work leading or keeping me in a state of anguish?
The answer, I believe, lies at the bottom of all anguish. It is the subconscious conviction that I am at stake - at risk - to the circumstance of my life. To the extent that this conviction has power, the suffering I endure can be measured. The less unstaken the less anguish. It’s as simple as that.
As to what can be done, the answer again is simple. In inquest. Shining the light at sincere investigation into the truth of what I am dissolved the conviction handing out in my subconscious mind. 5-12-25
Doubt
Being a state of mind, doubt passes like any other state of mind passes, as any other circumstance or set of circumstances passes. Being stuck in doubt can be considered a state of paralysis. In order to avoid paralysis, move. The movement does not have to resolve the doubt, but movement will prevent paralysis, which will usually lend to self-condemnation and perhaps depression.
Doubt is a useful tool in the analysis/evaluation process. It will accompany any of the approaches to experience. Multiple instances of doubt do not always denote seriousness or frustration but can be entertained light-heartedly or with humor. This might occur more readily if one recognizes the neutrality of circumstance or the passing nature of doubt.
Doubt can be especially helpful or productive when undertaking a creative enterprise. If you realize that your second or even third choice might lead to the best result, you can be appreciative of the advent of doubt. Plugging in this revelation at the outset of a project may lead to better results and a more enjoyable process.
Trapped
I think I know what John Sherman means about being trapped. Trapped by circumstances; trapped by the lives you lead. The underpinning for this sense of direction is the subconscious belief that you are this life you lead and consequently are at stake in the unfolding vicissitudes attributable to changing circumstances.
The belief that you are this life is false and artificial, the product of conditioning. It arose naturally enough when you first became aware of your personhood and absolute dependency on others and things for your comfort and survival, but that continued on to become a fixation in your apparatus to the extent that you believed it was true that you were nothing but this life. Advice and admonitions from all corners reinforced this time and again, especially from makers and marketers of products they wished you to buy.
Don’t expect to ever know you have been influenced and emotionally charged by this belief. Fortunately, knowledge and understanding are not necessary for its eradication.
Exposing the Apparatus
To expose the apparatus is not to suggest ridding it of a fraudulent or unsatisfactory nature. Far from it. It means first and foremost to recognize and acknowledge it is running the show. It decides what it wants and how to react to circumstances. It is the decider and processor and the interpreter and the maker of contexts in which circumstances come and go, as well as states of mind.
Exposing the apparatus means to allow it to shine the light or beam of its own attention upon itself. There is no higher autonomy than the apparatus. It is thus conceivable and probable that the self supporting of the apparatus (i.e. You) can create or establish its own politics and determine what it wants.
So, why not plug in what you want? Peace, ease, contentedness are candidates. Asking the question of what you want is key. I don’t expect this power to plug in what you want extends to the circumstances, but it does to how you react to the circumstances that do arise, including changing states of mind.
Tiny Battery
The magnificence of the apparatus can be seen against the backdrop of this world. It is then a tiny battery emitting tiny electrical charges causing tiny reactions like worry and pleasure and insubstantial thoughts and chaff detritus.
This tiny sparkling battery can be snuffed out with no discernible effect on the world, to say nothing of the universe. We create this tiny tiny battery because we know that it runs the show of life for us.